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What the holidays really bring up between mothers and daughters, and why trying harder this year can backfire.
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Thank you for being here. Becoming is still open, and I would love to have you.
Don't walk into the holidays alone.
Becoming is six months of coaching with me, in a small group of fewer than twelve women. You start the day you join, and this season we begin with Home for the Holidays, six weeks focused on exactly what you heard about tonight.
Your daughter isn't responding to what you say. She's responding to how it feels to be near you.
"You're only staying one night?" "We never see you anymore." You mean I miss you. She hears you owe me, and you're not paying enough.
"I'm really glad you're here." "I love when we get time together."
Careful is about her. You watch her, manage her and try not to set her off, and she can feel you bracing. Steady is about you. You stay with yourself and stay warm, without collapsing and without exploding.
Instead of bracing, avoiding or forcing the hard conversation, use this season for warmth and connection that feels good to both of you, so that when the hard conversation comes, it has something to stand on.
Three questions before you see her
- What am I hoping for?
- What will I do when I feel hurt?
- What is one thing I want her to feel when she's with me this year?
"I can feel this getting tense, and I don't want that for us. Can we take a breath?"
"That came out wrong. What I meant was I'm really happy you're here."
The season is already on its way.
A plan for one visit helps. But the holidays bring up years of history, and most of what happens at the table is decided long before you sit down. It's in the tone under the words, the worry she can sense and the old roles you both fall into the moment you're in the same room.
Inside Becoming, you don't face that alone. You bring the real moments to our calls, the text she sent, the invitation you're unsure about, the visit that's coming, and we work through them together, before and after they happen.
You start the day you join, with the full teachings and every coaching call. Then from November 10, we turn our focus to the season itself.
Home for the Holidays
A $1,350 program, built into Becoming this season.
- If there's silence, we'll help you hold yourself through it.
- If you're not sure whether to invite her, we'll help you find your answer with clarity instead of fear.
- If it's tense and you'll be together, you'll be different before you ever walk through the door.
Everything you need for six full months.
The Golden Thread Teachings
8 modules and 50+ lessons, yours for life. What your daughter needs from you, what happens in her body when things get tense, and how to open a door she can actually walk through.
Live coaching with Hilary
Four calls a month on Zoom, always fewer than twelve women. You can be coached personally on every call you join, and over six months I get to know your relationship.
Communication Reviews
Bring the text thread, the email or the letter you're drafting. We read it together live and plan your next response, so you walk in steady instead of bracing.
The women beside you
Some a few steps behind you, some a few steps ahead. Watching how things have changed for them is often what makes it possible to believe it can change for you too.
Almost two years without her voice.
For almost two years they had only exchanged carefully written letters, if anything. She began sending thoughtful, steady messages. No flooding, no guilt, no pressure. After months, her daughter shared the pain she had been carrying and said she could see a shift in her mother. Then on Christmas Day, a voice message.
Now they send voice messages back and forth.
Choose how closely you want to work with me.
- The Golden Thread Teachings, yours for life
- 4 coaching calls a month, fewer than twelve women
- Communication Reviews on every call
- The Becoming community
- Home for the Holidays, Nov 10 to Dec 22
- Everything in Becoming
- Your Relationship Blueprint™
- Three private 1:1 sessions with Hilary
Join by Saturday, October 17 at 7pm ET and receive a private 45-minute one-on-one with Hilary to use anytime before the end of November, on either path.
Want the full details first? See everything inside Becoming · Questions? Write to hello@hilarymae.com